Finally got over the virus I had last week and this week has been really hectic! This time of year is always so so busy and I love it so much!
On Monday my mum, her friend and I went into Bristol to do some shopping. I ended up buying LOADS! All the money I'd carefully saved up I spent - woops! But anyway that was really nice, the first time I'd been clothes shopping in over a year!! Mmm I love new stuff!
Then on Tuesdays me and mum help out at the hedgehog rescue place and I am loving doing that at the moment, they are so sweet and cute ahhh. That makes me really tired though its quite full on, but I really really love meeting new people and just getting out the house is good for me. I'll probably continue to do that for a while.
Wednesday me and mum spent the day tidying ready for Christmas, everyone is coming to us this year and it's going to be MAD.
Then yesterday I went and had my flu jab. Because my immune system is down it was recommended that I have it so that I won't get the flu and have a replapse. For anyone who is suffering from the same thing as me I would say definitely ask your GP for it, it's the smallest, least painful, quickest injection I have ever had and much better than getting flu! I also went into school briefly yesterday which was nice.
And today I did another shift at the hedgehog place, so this week (for me) has been pretty full on. I think it's going to be like this until Christmas but I don't mind really. I love Christmas so much and as long as this year is better than the last, I'll be happy!
http://www.prickleshedgehogrescue.org.uk/ (hedgehog rescue, check it out!)
Friday, 7 December 2012
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Viruses - Again!
I haven't been so well this week and haven't really been out, and because of my Chronic Fatigue the illnesses hit slightly harder and last slightly longer which is sooo annoying!
Viruses leave me feeling very run down for a few days and so I can't go anywhere, this is not only really annoying but also makes me reeeeeally boooooored. I also have to be really careful about avoiding colds and things because my immune system is not as good as it should be, so like I said before, if get something they hit harder and last longer - greeeeatt.. It also means that I have to have the Flu jab every so often for the next few years, woop! (EUGH..)
I keep saying to people 'I'll be in school on Thursday, see you then!' But this seems to never happen! I don't purposely not come into school, things just always seem to get in the way. Fingers crossed I'll definitely be in next Thursday!
Lottie x
PS. I am trying to come up with a name for this Blog, I keep changing it. Someone came up with 'Chronxiety' but I think that sounds stoooopid. Any ideas would be fab. Thanks x
Viruses leave me feeling very run down for a few days and so I can't go anywhere, this is not only really annoying but also makes me reeeeeally boooooored. I also have to be really careful about avoiding colds and things because my immune system is not as good as it should be, so like I said before, if get something they hit harder and last longer - greeeeatt.. It also means that I have to have the Flu jab every so often for the next few years, woop! (EUGH..)
I keep saying to people 'I'll be in school on Thursday, see you then!' But this seems to never happen! I don't purposely not come into school, things just always seem to get in the way. Fingers crossed I'll definitely be in next Thursday!
Lottie x
PS. I am trying to come up with a name for this Blog, I keep changing it. Someone came up with 'Chronxiety' but I think that sounds stoooopid. Any ideas would be fab. Thanks x
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Looking Back
Me and my mum were chatting earlier about this time last year. November/December 2011 were horrendous for many reasons, but mostly because I was in the middle of my virus (Glandular Fever).
This time of year is a happy one for most, with Christmas coming up and all the other festivities that circle around November and December. It has always been my favourite time of year but I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was in and out of hospital with various appointments and tests and the realisation that I wasn't going to be well in Christmas Day was a hard one for me, and I have to say it was a Christmas I would rather forget.
However it was Grandpa that really turned things round for me. Our family is very traditional and sitting together in Christmas evening is one of the parts of the day we most enjoy. I'd spent all of christmas day upstairs by myself and when I said I wasn't going to sit and eat Christmas dinner with everyone, the look on his face broke my heart. And I will never forget that. So for him I came down and ate with everyone. I had a tiny portion and I promised him that each day I would eat a little it more - and I did. It was difficult at first and with a shrunken stomach quite painful, but I did it, and I know it was because of my grandpa.
Someone said to me that if you are unwell on Christmas Day then the next one will seem like the best one you've ever had. I'm literally keeping everything crossed for this to be true!! Please please pleeease!?
Lottie x
This time of year is a happy one for most, with Christmas coming up and all the other festivities that circle around November and December. It has always been my favourite time of year but I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was in and out of hospital with various appointments and tests and the realisation that I wasn't going to be well in Christmas Day was a hard one for me, and I have to say it was a Christmas I would rather forget.
However it was Grandpa that really turned things round for me. Our family is very traditional and sitting together in Christmas evening is one of the parts of the day we most enjoy. I'd spent all of christmas day upstairs by myself and when I said I wasn't going to sit and eat Christmas dinner with everyone, the look on his face broke my heart. And I will never forget that. So for him I came down and ate with everyone. I had a tiny portion and I promised him that each day I would eat a little it more - and I did. It was difficult at first and with a shrunken stomach quite painful, but I did it, and I know it was because of my grandpa.
Someone said to me that if you are unwell on Christmas Day then the next one will seem like the best one you've ever had. I'm literally keeping everything crossed for this to be true!! Please please pleeease!?
Lottie x
Thursday, 22 November 2012
I think we need a catch up!
Ive been thinking a lot about this blog and I've had a lot of people ask me about it so I thought it was only right that I go ahead and fill you all in on what's been happening with me over the last 6 (yes 6!) months. It might be a bit long winded, so I'll try and make it as brief as I can.
The last post I wrote was SO DEPRESSING. I couldn't believe how miserable I was. I was right in the middle of exams and had just been given my 'official' diagnosis. I was absolutely exhausted, I have never felt so drained and with all the stress of getting too and from exams it completely knocked me sideways. When exams finished it took me a good couple of weeks to get me back on my feet but I pulled through! (looking back I have no idea how I did it, some days I couldn't even walk down the stairs the CFS got so bad.)
I also started going to CAMHS to help sort out my anxiety. I met with a councillor once a week and she just helped me get going in moving forwards. She gave me tasks to do and slowly pushed me forwards into getting my anxiety issue sorted. I still see her, but now every three weeks. Without this support I would still be upstairs in my room talking to no one and never leaving the house. I will be forever thankful to her, I know I wouldn't be where I am now without CAMHS.
On the 7th of July I went on holiday with friends from school. I'm not going to lie I was not looking forward too it AT ALL. I had become very disconnected from my school friends and I was worried it would get worse as I wasn't going to be able to join in with much. But it actually turned out to be such a lovely week. Even though I only moved from the sofa to eat and go to bed, I reconnected with them all and felt more part of them again.
Things only went up from there really. I got home from holiday happier and much more myself. I started going out more and throughout the summer I got stronger and stronger, mentally and physically. I made sure I left the house at least once a week and walked round the garden every day to get a bit of exercise. I went on holiday again at the end of August and this was a major turning point for me. I was eating at the table with everyone (something I hadn't done since the previous holiday, and before that not since November last year). I was going out for hours at a time - one day we went to Plymouth sea aquarium and I had to be pushed round in a wheelchair because it would be too much for me to walk round the whole place. But the point is I wanted to go, and I wasn't too anxious about it. I was even having drinking water while out, something just a month before I would NEVER have done. I was amazed at myself and was determined to carry on the up.
I decided a few months before school started that it would be best for my health to not return this year and start again in 2013, but my birthday on the 6th was a school day and I didn't want to spend my 17th on my own doing nothing. So we chatted to the school and they allow me to go in when I want to at lunch times. I don't go very often, and school still makes me very anxious, but I think it's necessary that I go in to chat to people and get over my social anxiety.
As for where I am now...
I volunteer once a week at a hedgehog rescue centre. I LOVE animals, and it's a a way of meeting new people and getting involved in something different. Something that will be worth while and stop be being so bored. I'm absolutely loving it. (I'll leave a link below to their page, and also Crispian -the famous hedgehog's- blog)
I try and go out everyday, obviously if my mum is busy it's pretty hard, but I do try. It's also difficult because I get so exhausted still. I'm pretty bad at knowing when to stop, do too much and then feel dreadful. I also still have very bad separation anxiety and find it hard to do things on my own, but that's getting better. I also have a problem when it comes to food and eating. I never eat before or when I'm out and only when I know I'm not going anywhere. This is a difficult situation because it means I have no energy when I'm out, but I'm slowly working on it.
As for the school situation I'm pretty sure that I won't be going back there. I go in roughly once a week and I feel like my time there has finished. I don't feel like I fit in anymore (it's not anyone's fault and it's not a bad thing! Just how I feel) and it's hard to feel comfortable and not awkward when I'm there. I feel that a lot of the friends I had there I no longer speak to and everyone has moved on. So I think that boat has sailed and I'll be heading to college in September instead. However this is still undecided so I could still be at sixer next year - we'll see!
I will try and keep this more up to date and write on it more regularly, sorry for the huge delay!
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through it all, I appreciate EVERYTHING.
Lots of love
Lottie x
Prickles Hedghog Rescue - http://www.prickleshedgehogrescue.org.uk/
Crispians Blog - http://crispianhedgehog.wordpress.com/ (I would definitely recommend reading this!)
The last post I wrote was SO DEPRESSING. I couldn't believe how miserable I was. I was right in the middle of exams and had just been given my 'official' diagnosis. I was absolutely exhausted, I have never felt so drained and with all the stress of getting too and from exams it completely knocked me sideways. When exams finished it took me a good couple of weeks to get me back on my feet but I pulled through! (looking back I have no idea how I did it, some days I couldn't even walk down the stairs the CFS got so bad.)
I also started going to CAMHS to help sort out my anxiety. I met with a councillor once a week and she just helped me get going in moving forwards. She gave me tasks to do and slowly pushed me forwards into getting my anxiety issue sorted. I still see her, but now every three weeks. Without this support I would still be upstairs in my room talking to no one and never leaving the house. I will be forever thankful to her, I know I wouldn't be where I am now without CAMHS.
On the 7th of July I went on holiday with friends from school. I'm not going to lie I was not looking forward too it AT ALL. I had become very disconnected from my school friends and I was worried it would get worse as I wasn't going to be able to join in with much. But it actually turned out to be such a lovely week. Even though I only moved from the sofa to eat and go to bed, I reconnected with them all and felt more part of them again.
Things only went up from there really. I got home from holiday happier and much more myself. I started going out more and throughout the summer I got stronger and stronger, mentally and physically. I made sure I left the house at least once a week and walked round the garden every day to get a bit of exercise. I went on holiday again at the end of August and this was a major turning point for me. I was eating at the table with everyone (something I hadn't done since the previous holiday, and before that not since November last year). I was going out for hours at a time - one day we went to Plymouth sea aquarium and I had to be pushed round in a wheelchair because it would be too much for me to walk round the whole place. But the point is I wanted to go, and I wasn't too anxious about it. I was even having drinking water while out, something just a month before I would NEVER have done. I was amazed at myself and was determined to carry on the up.
I decided a few months before school started that it would be best for my health to not return this year and start again in 2013, but my birthday on the 6th was a school day and I didn't want to spend my 17th on my own doing nothing. So we chatted to the school and they allow me to go in when I want to at lunch times. I don't go very often, and school still makes me very anxious, but I think it's necessary that I go in to chat to people and get over my social anxiety.
As for where I am now...
I volunteer once a week at a hedgehog rescue centre. I LOVE animals, and it's a a way of meeting new people and getting involved in something different. Something that will be worth while and stop be being so bored. I'm absolutely loving it. (I'll leave a link below to their page, and also Crispian -the famous hedgehog's- blog)
I try and go out everyday, obviously if my mum is busy it's pretty hard, but I do try. It's also difficult because I get so exhausted still. I'm pretty bad at knowing when to stop, do too much and then feel dreadful. I also still have very bad separation anxiety and find it hard to do things on my own, but that's getting better. I also have a problem when it comes to food and eating. I never eat before or when I'm out and only when I know I'm not going anywhere. This is a difficult situation because it means I have no energy when I'm out, but I'm slowly working on it.
As for the school situation I'm pretty sure that I won't be going back there. I go in roughly once a week and I feel like my time there has finished. I don't feel like I fit in anymore (it's not anyone's fault and it's not a bad thing! Just how I feel) and it's hard to feel comfortable and not awkward when I'm there. I feel that a lot of the friends I had there I no longer speak to and everyone has moved on. So I think that boat has sailed and I'll be heading to college in September instead. However this is still undecided so I could still be at sixer next year - we'll see!
I will try and keep this more up to date and write on it more regularly, sorry for the huge delay!
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through it all, I appreciate EVERYTHING.
Lots of love
Lottie x
Prickles Hedghog Rescue - http://www.prickleshedgehogrescue.org.uk/
Crispians Blog - http://crispianhedgehog.wordpress.com/ (I would definitely recommend reading this!)
Friday, 25 May 2012
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Just a warning, this is the most honest I've been throughout everything - please don't judge me or think of me as an attention seeker, or even be offended, it's just how I'm feeling.
Everyday I ask myself 'If I died right now, would I die happy' and for the last few months the answer has been 'no'. I've seen so many people about my health for example CAHMS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Society) and a councillor and a psychologist and a consultant and a GP. Only one of them has noticed how depressed I am at the moment and that's my councillor. I'm not going to mention names for privacy reasons but she has been amazing. I often write on twitter how I'm feeling at a certain time and often the response is something like 'chin up' or 'cheer up' or 'stop being silly' and stuff like that. I know they're just trying to be nice but that's really not what I need. Telling someone who is/possibly is depressed to just 'cheer up' is like telling someone who is scared of heights to climb a tall building with no safety rope. It's just not that easy.
Also lots of people have told me that I've 'changed'. I don't get offended by this it just makes me feel sad. Because I know that I'm not as fun or cheerful as I used to be and I try my hardest to put on a happy front when friends are over but it's exhausting. I don't want to lose friends because they find me dull or uninteresting - and this is why I cancel on them sometimes. It's nothing to do with not wanting to see them but if I'm feeling unwell then I don't want to talk or do anything I just want to sit and do nothing, quietly, by myself. I'm sure other suffers will understand this feeling. I want so desperately for someone to talk to- even someone I don't know particularly well, just anyone who has been/is going through it and knows exactly what I'm going through to just say to me 'it's not like this forever' because at the moment I feel like I'm in a continuos loop and completely trapped in what's happening to me. There's no escape and there is no relief and it's unbelievable torture.
Now I've got the depressing stuff out the way I'll move on. I make it sounded above as though I have no one to talk to. I want to make it clear now that that's not at all true. I have AMAZING friends. If ever I feel overwhelmed or like I just need to let stuff I've been locking up inside out I know there are always people I can turn to. So I want to thank all those people for unbelievably amazing to me. So thank you Shannon, Brony, Ally, Bella, Steff, Devvon, Ellie, Jake, Sim, Harry, Tom, Mike and especially Eva and Em. I couldn't have asked for better people to help me through this, everyone is so supportive and lovely. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!! Also while we're mentioning nice things I managed to go into school for an hour and a bit on the last day. I was in all the year photo's and had SUCH a nice time - it made me even more desperate to be better by September and I'm so looking forward to Sixth Form and getting back in the loop. It made me realise just how much I've missed some people! But it was lovely to be there with everyone and to properly say goodbye to those who won't be there next year. An afternoon I was dreading turned out to be so so so nice!
MORE GOOD NEWS. I have a car. Yes. Me. I own a car. That I will be able to drive in September. WOOOOOOO! So I'm living for the day where I can finally answer my question 'Yes, if I died right now right here, I would be perfectly happy'.
Everyday I ask myself 'If I died right now, would I die happy' and for the last few months the answer has been 'no'. I've seen so many people about my health for example CAHMS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Society) and a councillor and a psychologist and a consultant and a GP. Only one of them has noticed how depressed I am at the moment and that's my councillor. I'm not going to mention names for privacy reasons but she has been amazing. I often write on twitter how I'm feeling at a certain time and often the response is something like 'chin up' or 'cheer up' or 'stop being silly' and stuff like that. I know they're just trying to be nice but that's really not what I need. Telling someone who is/possibly is depressed to just 'cheer up' is like telling someone who is scared of heights to climb a tall building with no safety rope. It's just not that easy.
Also lots of people have told me that I've 'changed'. I don't get offended by this it just makes me feel sad. Because I know that I'm not as fun or cheerful as I used to be and I try my hardest to put on a happy front when friends are over but it's exhausting. I don't want to lose friends because they find me dull or uninteresting - and this is why I cancel on them sometimes. It's nothing to do with not wanting to see them but if I'm feeling unwell then I don't want to talk or do anything I just want to sit and do nothing, quietly, by myself. I'm sure other suffers will understand this feeling. I want so desperately for someone to talk to- even someone I don't know particularly well, just anyone who has been/is going through it and knows exactly what I'm going through to just say to me 'it's not like this forever' because at the moment I feel like I'm in a continuos loop and completely trapped in what's happening to me. There's no escape and there is no relief and it's unbelievable torture.
Now I've got the depressing stuff out the way I'll move on. I make it sounded above as though I have no one to talk to. I want to make it clear now that that's not at all true. I have AMAZING friends. If ever I feel overwhelmed or like I just need to let stuff I've been locking up inside out I know there are always people I can turn to. So I want to thank all those people for unbelievably amazing to me. So thank you Shannon, Brony, Ally, Bella, Steff, Devvon, Ellie, Jake, Sim, Harry, Tom, Mike and especially Eva and Em. I couldn't have asked for better people to help me through this, everyone is so supportive and lovely. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!! Also while we're mentioning nice things I managed to go into school for an hour and a bit on the last day. I was in all the year photo's and had SUCH a nice time - it made me even more desperate to be better by September and I'm so looking forward to Sixth Form and getting back in the loop. It made me realise just how much I've missed some people! But it was lovely to be there with everyone and to properly say goodbye to those who won't be there next year. An afternoon I was dreading turned out to be so so so nice!
MORE GOOD NEWS. I have a car. Yes. Me. I own a car. That I will be able to drive in September. WOOOOOOO! So I'm living for the day where I can finally answer my question 'Yes, if I died right now right here, I would be perfectly happy'.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
Update
It's been a over a month since I last wrote something because not much else had happened. I think it's time for an update though.
In my last post I said I was going to take a year out next year, I hopefully won't have to do that now and will join my year in September. I'm on track to get the GCSE's I need for next year so the only thing stopping me will be my health.
I've made it sound in this that most of what I'm dealing with is anxiety, and I think that's been a mistake because some people think that it's all I'm dealing with. I'm not though, I'm still unwell. I had blood tests done a couple of weeks ago that showed low platelet and low white blood cell levels, for those of you that don't know - that's bad. It shows that there is still a virus or something hanging around. The doctor has assured me that it's nothing serious but I've had it for sixth months and she feels something needs to be done. So I've been referred to a paediatrician consultant who will analyse the blood tests and my symptoms and hopefully give me an idea of what's wrong. So although yes, I am extremely anxious, I still have to deal as well with feeling unwell constantly. I honestly can't wait till this is all behind me!!
On a higher note, I got an A in the exam I did last month. Woohoo! Soooo pleased! I actually can't believe it! So it's not all doom and gloom.
this is literally my face when I saw the result, yaaay!
In my last post I said I was going to take a year out next year, I hopefully won't have to do that now and will join my year in September. I'm on track to get the GCSE's I need for next year so the only thing stopping me will be my health.
I've made it sound in this that most of what I'm dealing with is anxiety, and I think that's been a mistake because some people think that it's all I'm dealing with. I'm not though, I'm still unwell. I had blood tests done a couple of weeks ago that showed low platelet and low white blood cell levels, for those of you that don't know - that's bad. It shows that there is still a virus or something hanging around. The doctor has assured me that it's nothing serious but I've had it for sixth months and she feels something needs to be done. So I've been referred to a paediatrician consultant who will analyse the blood tests and my symptoms and hopefully give me an idea of what's wrong. So although yes, I am extremely anxious, I still have to deal as well with feeling unwell constantly. I honestly can't wait till this is all behind me!!
On a higher note, I got an A in the exam I did last month. Woohoo! Soooo pleased! I actually can't believe it! So it's not all doom and gloom.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Tough Decisions
This week has been a week of tough decisions and it's upset me quite a lot. It's been a difficult week for me and this is all quite hard to say, so bare with me...
I've always had my life completely planned out, probably just like every other girl my age. I was going to finish school with 11 GCSE's and go on to sixth form with my friends to do a levels. After this I was going to head straight to university to get my degree - probably in physiotherapy. I never planned around having an illness that would effect my life so much, even though it's not life threatening, it's changed me. It's made me stronger and more accepting of things, but it's also made me much less independent.
I've been officially diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), something that a lot of people get after a long lasting nasty virus. Its not serious and it won't effect my life forever. But it does mean that I'm going to take a lot longer to recover and get back to how I was. It makes you incredibly tired and as with all things I'll have good days and bad days.
Getting this diagnosis has made me have to re-evaluate what I think I will be capable of this year. So this is what is in store for me in the next five years:
-Home tutoring until May, I'll finish year 11 with 5 GCSE's. I was going to go to the ball but I've had to come crashing down to earth with the possibility that I just won't be able to manage, so I'll be sending my dress back in the next couple of weeks.
-After this year I'll take a year out, so that when I return to school I'll be myself again, and not the needy, dependant, whiny little girl I am at the moment. So I won't be going to sixth form with my friends as planned - you can't even imagine how gutted I am about this.
-I'll then spend two years doing A levels in the sixth form, a year older than I should be.
-Because I'll have so few GCSE's I'll need to wait until I get my A level results to even consider applying to a good university. So this means taking another year out. I'll then be about 20/21 when I eventually head off and 2 years behind what I'd originally planned.
I know 21 isn't old, and so many people say it's the best year of their life blahdiblahblah but I'm one of those people who like to follow a plan and have an order and to feel as out of control as I do now is actually really hard.
But it is what it is and I will catch up eventually. Admitting to myself what has to be done has been the most difficult part, but I absolutely believe I will be a stronger person after all this has left me - it's probably something that needed to happen.
And although I'm utterly depressed about the whole thing I know it's what needs to be done. Just to make sure I get my life properly back on track so I can conintue in the way I intended, and lead the life I want to lead.
I've always had my life completely planned out, probably just like every other girl my age. I was going to finish school with 11 GCSE's and go on to sixth form with my friends to do a levels. After this I was going to head straight to university to get my degree - probably in physiotherapy. I never planned around having an illness that would effect my life so much, even though it's not life threatening, it's changed me. It's made me stronger and more accepting of things, but it's also made me much less independent.
I've been officially diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), something that a lot of people get after a long lasting nasty virus. Its not serious and it won't effect my life forever. But it does mean that I'm going to take a lot longer to recover and get back to how I was. It makes you incredibly tired and as with all things I'll have good days and bad days.
Getting this diagnosis has made me have to re-evaluate what I think I will be capable of this year. So this is what is in store for me in the next five years:
-Home tutoring until May, I'll finish year 11 with 5 GCSE's. I was going to go to the ball but I've had to come crashing down to earth with the possibility that I just won't be able to manage, so I'll be sending my dress back in the next couple of weeks.
-After this year I'll take a year out, so that when I return to school I'll be myself again, and not the needy, dependant, whiny little girl I am at the moment. So I won't be going to sixth form with my friends as planned - you can't even imagine how gutted I am about this.
-I'll then spend two years doing A levels in the sixth form, a year older than I should be.
-Because I'll have so few GCSE's I'll need to wait until I get my A level results to even consider applying to a good university. So this means taking another year out. I'll then be about 20/21 when I eventually head off and 2 years behind what I'd originally planned.
I know 21 isn't old, and so many people say it's the best year of their life blahdiblahblah but I'm one of those people who like to follow a plan and have an order and to feel as out of control as I do now is actually really hard.
But it is what it is and I will catch up eventually. Admitting to myself what has to be done has been the most difficult part, but I absolutely believe I will be a stronger person after all this has left me - it's probably something that needed to happen.
And although I'm utterly depressed about the whole thing I know it's what needs to be done. Just to make sure I get my life properly back on track so I can conintue in the way I intended, and lead the life I want to lead.
Saturday, 10 March 2012
Exhausted
I have been doing more in the last couple of weeks than I have done in about 4 months, and its completely knocked me sideways. I'm soooo tired! I have however managed to find energy from somewhere and got on OK with it all. Which I suppose is a good thing!
My weekly schedule:
Monday: 9.30-11.30 Chemistry Tutor
1.30-3.00 English
Tuesday: 11.30-1.30 Biology
Wednesday: 8.40 Doctors Appointment
1.30-3 RE
Thursday: 11.00-12.00 Anxiety Counselling
2.00-3.00 Physics
Friday: Finish any homework I've been given
Saturday/Sunday: relaaaaxxx!!
To someone who is fit and well that may seem like nothing, but after just two weeks of this I'm exhausted. I just about manage to get myself together over the weekend for it all to start again on Monday.
This week has been extra difficult for me as well because my mum is away. I feel slightly like I'm treading water with out her away because she is the only person who knows how to properly calm me down when I get stressed or over anxious or have a panic attack. She has been there from the beginning and understands it all the best. Having my councillor just a phone call away has been really useful and my dad has been lovely, but I think a weight will be lifted when my mum gets back. (jeez I sound so lame!... oh well.)
I used to be embarrassed to say I went to counselling, but now I know that without it I would be so much further behind with my recovery and she has helped me enormously. I would recommend going to see a councillor to anyone in my situation. It's surprising how just talking and getting all your feelings out to someone other than friends or family can help you, but trust me it really does.
In the last few weeks and haven't helped but feel like I've been forgotten by some of my friends. I know I haven't, but in the back of my mind I can't help but worry about it. I think it's just because being at home 24/7 can get very lonely. I saw a friend of mine on Wednesday though and she is the absolute definition of short and sweet (I love you Brony!). She completely eliminated all thoughts of being forgotten so I'm taking this opportunity to say thank you. So thanks Brony, your amazing!
I think I have also been quite selfish while dealing with all this, I'm not the only person going through a tough time at the moment and I have a tendancy to think I am. So I'm sorry to everyone about that.
(I would also recommend keeping a blog like this one to those suffering from CFS/M.E/anxiety. It has helped me loads and loads.)
After leaving this up for just under an hour I got this text from a friend:
'YOUR NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT. DONT
YOU DARE THINK THAT. YOUR THE
SUN TO OUR SHINE. LACES TO OUR
SHOES. TINKY TO OUR..er..WINKY
YOU PUT THE P IN POTTER. YOU MAKE
THE HAKUNA, MATATA. YOUR THE
MILK FROM THE COW TO PUT IN OUR
TEA. YOU ARE NOT OUT OF MIND.
YOU ARE LOTTIE DEAKIN. AND YOU,
MY FRIEND, ARE AMAZING. YOUR THE
KNIFE TO THE FORK. YOUR THE PORK
TO THE CHOP. YOU ARE A WIZARD
HARRY XXXXXXXXX'
awww thank you Shannon, I love you millions and trillions!
My weekly schedule:
Monday: 9.30-11.30 Chemistry Tutor
1.30-3.00 English
Tuesday: 11.30-1.30 Biology
Wednesday: 8.40 Doctors Appointment
1.30-3 RE
Thursday: 11.00-12.00 Anxiety Counselling
2.00-3.00 Physics
Friday: Finish any homework I've been given
Saturday/Sunday: relaaaaxxx!!
To someone who is fit and well that may seem like nothing, but after just two weeks of this I'm exhausted. I just about manage to get myself together over the weekend for it all to start again on Monday.
This week has been extra difficult for me as well because my mum is away. I feel slightly like I'm treading water with out her away because she is the only person who knows how to properly calm me down when I get stressed or over anxious or have a panic attack. She has been there from the beginning and understands it all the best. Having my councillor just a phone call away has been really useful and my dad has been lovely, but I think a weight will be lifted when my mum gets back. (jeez I sound so lame!... oh well.)
I used to be embarrassed to say I went to counselling, but now I know that without it I would be so much further behind with my recovery and she has helped me enormously. I would recommend going to see a councillor to anyone in my situation. It's surprising how just talking and getting all your feelings out to someone other than friends or family can help you, but trust me it really does.
In the last few weeks and haven't helped but feel like I've been forgotten by some of my friends. I know I haven't, but in the back of my mind I can't help but worry about it. I think it's just because being at home 24/7 can get very lonely. I saw a friend of mine on Wednesday though and she is the absolute definition of short and sweet (I love you Brony!). She completely eliminated all thoughts of being forgotten so I'm taking this opportunity to say thank you. So thanks Brony, your amazing!
I think I have also been quite selfish while dealing with all this, I'm not the only person going through a tough time at the moment and I have a tendancy to think I am. So I'm sorry to everyone about that.
(I would also recommend keeping a blog like this one to those suffering from CFS/M.E/anxiety. It has helped me loads and loads.)
After leaving this up for just under an hour I got this text from a friend:
'YOUR NOT FORGOTTEN ABOUT. DONT
YOU DARE THINK THAT. YOUR THE
SUN TO OUR SHINE. LACES TO OUR
SHOES. TINKY TO OUR..er..WINKY
YOU PUT THE P IN POTTER. YOU MAKE
THE HAKUNA, MATATA. YOUR THE
MILK FROM THE COW TO PUT IN OUR
TEA. YOU ARE NOT OUT OF MIND.
YOU ARE LOTTIE DEAKIN. AND YOU,
MY FRIEND, ARE AMAZING. YOUR THE
KNIFE TO THE FORK. YOUR THE PORK
TO THE CHOP. YOU ARE A WIZARD
HARRY XXXXXXXXX'
awww thank you Shannon, I love you millions and trillions!
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Something To Be Proud Of
Revising - something everyone has to do at some point in their life, but no one enjoys. The past few weeks I have spent whole days at home revising for a biology retake. Add this to not leaving the house and only seeing the same four people and you have the perfect recipe for extreme boredom. Having saying this though, I don't actually want to leave the house. Its safe and nice and leaving the comfort of home leads to panic and I don't like panic.
Anxiety is by far the hardest thing I'm coping with at the moment, I've had a few panic attacks and none of them have been what I would call pleasant. It's horrible - I HATE it.
Like I said, home is safe. People can come and see me at home and I'm absolutely fine. But going to see them at their houses is difficult, and it's this that I'm struggling to make understandable for other people. I don't even really understand it myself..... It's a toughen!
Anyway back onto the note of revision! The exam I had to sit was last thursday morning and although I was fully prepared for the exam it sort of skipped my mind that I actually had to get to school to be able to do it. However I managed to get up and dressed without really worrying about it. But then came the task of actually getting in the car and going. My mum practically had to drag me out the house but I managed and we got there.
Actually getting out the car and getting to the exam room was really hard though. My mum kept saying 'Just walk to the room, even if you don't go in at least you tried and thats still something to be proud of.' After a lot of persuasion I got there and I did manage to go in and do it and it was fine. A couple of friends where doing it too and it was such a relief to have people who knew what was going on.
I can't thank my friends/family enough for everything they have done to help me. I can't explain how just a short text can really make me feel so much happier. And for the first time in a long time, I managed to do something I was really proud of.
soppy soppy soppy I know I know, sorry!
Anxiety is by far the hardest thing I'm coping with at the moment, I've had a few panic attacks and none of them have been what I would call pleasant. It's horrible - I HATE it.
Like I said, home is safe. People can come and see me at home and I'm absolutely fine. But going to see them at their houses is difficult, and it's this that I'm struggling to make understandable for other people. I don't even really understand it myself..... It's a toughen!
Anyway back onto the note of revision! The exam I had to sit was last thursday morning and although I was fully prepared for the exam it sort of skipped my mind that I actually had to get to school to be able to do it. However I managed to get up and dressed without really worrying about it. But then came the task of actually getting in the car and going. My mum practically had to drag me out the house but I managed and we got there.
Actually getting out the car and getting to the exam room was really hard though. My mum kept saying 'Just walk to the room, even if you don't go in at least you tried and thats still something to be proud of.' After a lot of persuasion I got there and I did manage to go in and do it and it was fine. A couple of friends where doing it too and it was such a relief to have people who knew what was going on.
I can't thank my friends/family enough for everything they have done to help me. I can't explain how just a short text can really make me feel so much happier. And for the first time in a long time, I managed to do something I was really proud of.
soppy soppy soppy I know I know, sorry!
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Here goes...
I must admit, I'm slightly embarrassed to keep a blog. I've never before had a reason for one, but now I feel it will be good for me. I'm also worried that no one would read it and it would just be another wasted few paragraphs bashing around the internet. However I am looking past all that and staying positive! So here goes...
I'm 16 years old and suffering from a post viral fatigue/anxiety, you may not think it but it's something a lot of people my age suffer from. I came down with a nasty virus in september 2011, which caused me to be incredibly tired and weak and feeling generally unwell for roughly 3 months. Things weren't good at all, I can honestly say I have never felt so crap in my life. Also I haven't returned to school since and I'm INCREDIBLY bored - suddenly going from seeing and chatting to lots of people everyday to just talking to your mother can take its toll quite quickly. It's also made me realise just how boring day time television is..
Anyway I'm still not 100% better, I'm still popping pills and lying around not feeling up to much but its nothing compared to what I was like before Christmas.
My biggest problem now is all the anxiety I have. Its hard for me even to leave my house sometimes and this is the one thing I am struggling to help people understand. I think a lot of the people I know don't realise how bad this problem is...
Home tutors come to my house 5 times a week and I will be doing my exams this year, despite all the advice to repeat the year. My teachers think I won't manage, I absolutely think I can. So here's hoping I prove them all wrong!
So I'm asking you all to join me in the process of my recovery, I hope I can enlighten some of you into what extreme anxiety is like and how coping with it can feel impossible. I would also like to think that this could be of help to others in my situation.
Staying positive I feel is crucial, so the next posts will probably be a lot more cheery. But thats all for now folks!
I'm 16 years old and suffering from a post viral fatigue/anxiety, you may not think it but it's something a lot of people my age suffer from. I came down with a nasty virus in september 2011, which caused me to be incredibly tired and weak and feeling generally unwell for roughly 3 months. Things weren't good at all, I can honestly say I have never felt so crap in my life. Also I haven't returned to school since and I'm INCREDIBLY bored - suddenly going from seeing and chatting to lots of people everyday to just talking to your mother can take its toll quite quickly. It's also made me realise just how boring day time television is..
Anyway I'm still not 100% better, I'm still popping pills and lying around not feeling up to much but its nothing compared to what I was like before Christmas.
My biggest problem now is all the anxiety I have. Its hard for me even to leave my house sometimes and this is the one thing I am struggling to help people understand. I think a lot of the people I know don't realise how bad this problem is...
Home tutors come to my house 5 times a week and I will be doing my exams this year, despite all the advice to repeat the year. My teachers think I won't manage, I absolutely think I can. So here's hoping I prove them all wrong!
So I'm asking you all to join me in the process of my recovery, I hope I can enlighten some of you into what extreme anxiety is like and how coping with it can feel impossible. I would also like to think that this could be of help to others in my situation.
Staying positive I feel is crucial, so the next posts will probably be a lot more cheery. But thats all for now folks!
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