I haven't been so well this week and haven't really been out, and because of my Chronic Fatigue the illnesses hit slightly harder and last slightly longer which is sooo annoying!
Viruses leave me feeling very run down for a few days and so I can't go anywhere, this is not only really annoying but also makes me reeeeeally boooooored. I also have to be really careful about avoiding colds and things because my immune system is not as good as it should be, so like I said before, if get something they hit harder and last longer - greeeeatt.. It also means that I have to have the Flu jab every so often for the next few years, woop! (EUGH..)
I keep saying to people 'I'll be in school on Thursday, see you then!' But this seems to never happen! I don't purposely not come into school, things just always seem to get in the way. Fingers crossed I'll definitely be in next Thursday!
Lottie x
PS. I am trying to come up with a name for this Blog, I keep changing it. Someone came up with 'Chronxiety' but I think that sounds stoooopid. Any ideas would be fab. Thanks x
Thursday, 29 November 2012
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Looking Back
Me and my mum were chatting earlier about this time last year. November/December 2011 were horrendous for many reasons, but mostly because I was in the middle of my virus (Glandular Fever).
This time of year is a happy one for most, with Christmas coming up and all the other festivities that circle around November and December. It has always been my favourite time of year but I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was in and out of hospital with various appointments and tests and the realisation that I wasn't going to be well in Christmas Day was a hard one for me, and I have to say it was a Christmas I would rather forget.
However it was Grandpa that really turned things round for me. Our family is very traditional and sitting together in Christmas evening is one of the parts of the day we most enjoy. I'd spent all of christmas day upstairs by myself and when I said I wasn't going to sit and eat Christmas dinner with everyone, the look on his face broke my heart. And I will never forget that. So for him I came down and ate with everyone. I had a tiny portion and I promised him that each day I would eat a little it more - and I did. It was difficult at first and with a shrunken stomach quite painful, but I did it, and I know it was because of my grandpa.
Someone said to me that if you are unwell on Christmas Day then the next one will seem like the best one you've ever had. I'm literally keeping everything crossed for this to be true!! Please please pleeease!?
Lottie x
This time of year is a happy one for most, with Christmas coming up and all the other festivities that circle around November and December. It has always been my favourite time of year but I wasn't looking forward to it at all. I was in and out of hospital with various appointments and tests and the realisation that I wasn't going to be well in Christmas Day was a hard one for me, and I have to say it was a Christmas I would rather forget.
However it was Grandpa that really turned things round for me. Our family is very traditional and sitting together in Christmas evening is one of the parts of the day we most enjoy. I'd spent all of christmas day upstairs by myself and when I said I wasn't going to sit and eat Christmas dinner with everyone, the look on his face broke my heart. And I will never forget that. So for him I came down and ate with everyone. I had a tiny portion and I promised him that each day I would eat a little it more - and I did. It was difficult at first and with a shrunken stomach quite painful, but I did it, and I know it was because of my grandpa.
Someone said to me that if you are unwell on Christmas Day then the next one will seem like the best one you've ever had. I'm literally keeping everything crossed for this to be true!! Please please pleeease!?
Lottie x
Thursday, 22 November 2012
I think we need a catch up!
Ive been thinking a lot about this blog and I've had a lot of people ask me about it so I thought it was only right that I go ahead and fill you all in on what's been happening with me over the last 6 (yes 6!) months. It might be a bit long winded, so I'll try and make it as brief as I can.
The last post I wrote was SO DEPRESSING. I couldn't believe how miserable I was. I was right in the middle of exams and had just been given my 'official' diagnosis. I was absolutely exhausted, I have never felt so drained and with all the stress of getting too and from exams it completely knocked me sideways. When exams finished it took me a good couple of weeks to get me back on my feet but I pulled through! (looking back I have no idea how I did it, some days I couldn't even walk down the stairs the CFS got so bad.)
I also started going to CAMHS to help sort out my anxiety. I met with a councillor once a week and she just helped me get going in moving forwards. She gave me tasks to do and slowly pushed me forwards into getting my anxiety issue sorted. I still see her, but now every three weeks. Without this support I would still be upstairs in my room talking to no one and never leaving the house. I will be forever thankful to her, I know I wouldn't be where I am now without CAMHS.
On the 7th of July I went on holiday with friends from school. I'm not going to lie I was not looking forward too it AT ALL. I had become very disconnected from my school friends and I was worried it would get worse as I wasn't going to be able to join in with much. But it actually turned out to be such a lovely week. Even though I only moved from the sofa to eat and go to bed, I reconnected with them all and felt more part of them again.
Things only went up from there really. I got home from holiday happier and much more myself. I started going out more and throughout the summer I got stronger and stronger, mentally and physically. I made sure I left the house at least once a week and walked round the garden every day to get a bit of exercise. I went on holiday again at the end of August and this was a major turning point for me. I was eating at the table with everyone (something I hadn't done since the previous holiday, and before that not since November last year). I was going out for hours at a time - one day we went to Plymouth sea aquarium and I had to be pushed round in a wheelchair because it would be too much for me to walk round the whole place. But the point is I wanted to go, and I wasn't too anxious about it. I was even having drinking water while out, something just a month before I would NEVER have done. I was amazed at myself and was determined to carry on the up.
I decided a few months before school started that it would be best for my health to not return this year and start again in 2013, but my birthday on the 6th was a school day and I didn't want to spend my 17th on my own doing nothing. So we chatted to the school and they allow me to go in when I want to at lunch times. I don't go very often, and school still makes me very anxious, but I think it's necessary that I go in to chat to people and get over my social anxiety.
As for where I am now...
I volunteer once a week at a hedgehog rescue centre. I LOVE animals, and it's a a way of meeting new people and getting involved in something different. Something that will be worth while and stop be being so bored. I'm absolutely loving it. (I'll leave a link below to their page, and also Crispian -the famous hedgehog's- blog)
I try and go out everyday, obviously if my mum is busy it's pretty hard, but I do try. It's also difficult because I get so exhausted still. I'm pretty bad at knowing when to stop, do too much and then feel dreadful. I also still have very bad separation anxiety and find it hard to do things on my own, but that's getting better. I also have a problem when it comes to food and eating. I never eat before or when I'm out and only when I know I'm not going anywhere. This is a difficult situation because it means I have no energy when I'm out, but I'm slowly working on it.
As for the school situation I'm pretty sure that I won't be going back there. I go in roughly once a week and I feel like my time there has finished. I don't feel like I fit in anymore (it's not anyone's fault and it's not a bad thing! Just how I feel) and it's hard to feel comfortable and not awkward when I'm there. I feel that a lot of the friends I had there I no longer speak to and everyone has moved on. So I think that boat has sailed and I'll be heading to college in September instead. However this is still undecided so I could still be at sixer next year - we'll see!
I will try and keep this more up to date and write on it more regularly, sorry for the huge delay!
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through it all, I appreciate EVERYTHING.
Lots of love
Lottie x
Prickles Hedghog Rescue - http://www.prickleshedgehogrescue.org.uk/
Crispians Blog - http://crispianhedgehog.wordpress.com/ (I would definitely recommend reading this!)
The last post I wrote was SO DEPRESSING. I couldn't believe how miserable I was. I was right in the middle of exams and had just been given my 'official' diagnosis. I was absolutely exhausted, I have never felt so drained and with all the stress of getting too and from exams it completely knocked me sideways. When exams finished it took me a good couple of weeks to get me back on my feet but I pulled through! (looking back I have no idea how I did it, some days I couldn't even walk down the stairs the CFS got so bad.)
I also started going to CAMHS to help sort out my anxiety. I met with a councillor once a week and she just helped me get going in moving forwards. She gave me tasks to do and slowly pushed me forwards into getting my anxiety issue sorted. I still see her, but now every three weeks. Without this support I would still be upstairs in my room talking to no one and never leaving the house. I will be forever thankful to her, I know I wouldn't be where I am now without CAMHS.
On the 7th of July I went on holiday with friends from school. I'm not going to lie I was not looking forward too it AT ALL. I had become very disconnected from my school friends and I was worried it would get worse as I wasn't going to be able to join in with much. But it actually turned out to be such a lovely week. Even though I only moved from the sofa to eat and go to bed, I reconnected with them all and felt more part of them again.
Things only went up from there really. I got home from holiday happier and much more myself. I started going out more and throughout the summer I got stronger and stronger, mentally and physically. I made sure I left the house at least once a week and walked round the garden every day to get a bit of exercise. I went on holiday again at the end of August and this was a major turning point for me. I was eating at the table with everyone (something I hadn't done since the previous holiday, and before that not since November last year). I was going out for hours at a time - one day we went to Plymouth sea aquarium and I had to be pushed round in a wheelchair because it would be too much for me to walk round the whole place. But the point is I wanted to go, and I wasn't too anxious about it. I was even having drinking water while out, something just a month before I would NEVER have done. I was amazed at myself and was determined to carry on the up.
I decided a few months before school started that it would be best for my health to not return this year and start again in 2013, but my birthday on the 6th was a school day and I didn't want to spend my 17th on my own doing nothing. So we chatted to the school and they allow me to go in when I want to at lunch times. I don't go very often, and school still makes me very anxious, but I think it's necessary that I go in to chat to people and get over my social anxiety.
As for where I am now...
I volunteer once a week at a hedgehog rescue centre. I LOVE animals, and it's a a way of meeting new people and getting involved in something different. Something that will be worth while and stop be being so bored. I'm absolutely loving it. (I'll leave a link below to their page, and also Crispian -the famous hedgehog's- blog)
I try and go out everyday, obviously if my mum is busy it's pretty hard, but I do try. It's also difficult because I get so exhausted still. I'm pretty bad at knowing when to stop, do too much and then feel dreadful. I also still have very bad separation anxiety and find it hard to do things on my own, but that's getting better. I also have a problem when it comes to food and eating. I never eat before or when I'm out and only when I know I'm not going anywhere. This is a difficult situation because it means I have no energy when I'm out, but I'm slowly working on it.
As for the school situation I'm pretty sure that I won't be going back there. I go in roughly once a week and I feel like my time there has finished. I don't feel like I fit in anymore (it's not anyone's fault and it's not a bad thing! Just how I feel) and it's hard to feel comfortable and not awkward when I'm there. I feel that a lot of the friends I had there I no longer speak to and everyone has moved on. So I think that boat has sailed and I'll be heading to college in September instead. However this is still undecided so I could still be at sixer next year - we'll see!
I will try and keep this more up to date and write on it more regularly, sorry for the huge delay!
Thank you to everyone who has supported me through it all, I appreciate EVERYTHING.
Lots of love
Lottie x
Prickles Hedghog Rescue - http://www.prickleshedgehogrescue.org.uk/
Crispians Blog - http://crispianhedgehog.wordpress.com/ (I would definitely recommend reading this!)
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